Once upon a time in a land not so far from here, there lived a superhero named Space Baron. Space Baron lived in a nice little suburban house with a pretty little letterbox, a flower garden along the driveway, and only a fifteen minute drive from the city.
One day Space Baron and his sidekick, his bestest buddy in the whole wide world, Brian, were locked in mortal combat.
"Put down the Experimental Space Baron Guts Shredding Machine now Brian!" Space Baron would scream. To which Brian would reply quite simply:
"No!"
The argument went on like this for quite some time before they finally decided that bringing all the nifty little crime fighting gadgets into their domestics was very dangerous indeed. So they resorted to bare fists.
Meanwhile, unbeknownest to the quarrelsome duo, there was trouble brewing elsewhere in the not-so-sleepy little town where they lived. The evil sorceror Wyetukay was planning to destroy the world. Wyetukay lived on the highest floor of the highest building in the city, and when he wasn't casting spells, he was running the biggest software company in the world through a puppet CEO.
Wyetukay's plan was to bring disorder and chaos to the world. He planned to cast a spell on the whole world that would bring society crashing down around everyone's feet. Noone would be spared. And the date for the end of the world: New Year's Day, 2000.
As the fateful day approached, a cloud began to form around the building in which Wyetukay lived, and upon noticing this Space Baron and Brian decided to check it out.
* * * * * * * * * *
There they stood, Superhero and Sidekick, at the foot of the sorceror's tower. "Quick Brian," Space Baron said, "Pass me the Space Baron Grappling Hook."
Brian did as he was told and soon the duo began their ascent to the top of the building which was hidden in the thick layer of clouds.
"Space Baron," Brian piped up about halfway up the building, "Why couldn't we just use the lifts inside this nice office building?"
"Because this is a fairy tale Brian," Space Baron said impatiently, "How many fairy tales have you read where the hero takes a ^@!#!!(!$& lift to the top of the tower?"
"Or building..." Brian corrected.
"Or building, or lightpole or whatthefuckever!" Space Baron yelled. They were now above the clouds and it was incredibly windy.
"It would just be easy, that's all," Brian said pointedly.
"Fine you go back down and take the lift then Brian," Space Baron said pointily as he shook Brian off the rope to plummet to his doom.
Soon afterwards Space Baron had reached the top. High above the clouds and the mountains and the other buildings and Brian's undoubtedly smashed carcass. Thick black clouds were looming ominously just inside the offices on the top floor of the building. So Space Baron burst in.
"Welcome to my lair!" cackled Wyetukay. He stood in the middle of the cloud filled room. In the centre of the room there was a large black cauldron boiling on a green-tinged fire. "I trust you have met my hostage," Wyetukay said as he stepped aside to reveal his hostage tied to a sacrificial altar.
"Brian!" Space Baron exclaimed. "How did you get here?"
"After you threw me to my doom, I picked myself up and took the lift to the top of the building," Brian explained. "Wyetukay and I had a bit of a standoff. One thing led to another and here we are."
"Silence!" boomed Wyetukay. "You will never defeat me Space Baron. As soon as I finish sacrificing this damsel, the world will be on an unstoppable path to destruction!" He laughed evilly.
"You're using Brian as your damsel?" Space Baron asked incredulously.
"Yes," Wyetukay said. "I placed several ads in the paper, but nobody applied for the job of Sacrificial Maiden, so now I am fored to make do."
"Yes, nobody seems to want to work thesedays," Space Baron said, motioning in the direction of Brian.
"But it matters not!" Wyetukay boomed. "Soon everyone will be dead!"
"Wait!" Space Baron said. "I too am a powerful sorceror, and I challenge you to a duel."
Wyetukay laughed. "You?!" he ridiculed, "You are a sorcerer!?" He rolled around on the floor laughing for a few moments, tears streaming doen his face.
"Yes I am," said Space Baron. "Allow me to demostrate." He walked over to Brian, reached behind his ear, said "Abracadabra," and produced a coin.
"That's nothing but a cheap illusionist's trick," Wyetukay scoffed. "Here's some real magic." He beckoned Space Baron over to the cauldron. "Look inside," were his instructions.
Space Baron looked into the swirling goop that filled the cauldron. It seemed bottomless, but it was beautiful. He could not take his eyes off the mixing and churning colours within. He found himself hypnotised by the glorious images within. He could not move.
Wyetukay laughed gleefully. "You weak mortal," he said. "Your soul is being sucked in by this dimensional portal. Soon you will be nothing but an empty shell.
"NEVER!" screamed a voice from behind Wyetukay. He spun around just in time to see a naked Brian charging toward him. Before Wyetukay could get out of the way, Brian crashed into him, sending him flying headfirst into the cauldron. The disruption that the sorceror created as he entered the portal caused Space Baron's soul to return to his body.
"Good job Brian," Space Baron complemented his sidekick grudgingly. "Er, why are you naked?" he added.
"Well," Brian began his sidekick's duty of explaining holes in the storyline. "You know those Experimental Space Baron Rope Eating Moths that you placed when you pulled that coin out of my ear?" he said.
"Yes," Space Baron replied.
"It seems that they ate more than just the ropes," Brian finished.
"Oh well," Space Baron seemed unconcerned. "At least we've defeated Wyetukay. I just hope he didn't manage to cast any of his earth-destroying spell."
THE END
Did Space Baron and Brian defeat Wyetukay in time to ensure that his spell did not affect the world on New Year's Day?
Will Brian wear any clothes as they descend the building?
Where does the dimensional portal lead?
Find out all this through a combination of asking questions and conducting your own research. Or just wait and see. You may be bitterly disappointed.