Remain calm, don't panic but I have to announce that Space Baron is back in:
"Name?" said Space Baron.
"Brian" replied Brian looking puzzled.
"No, you're supposed to say "Evil Eric" you useless fool!" shouted Space Baron.
"But Why?" whined Brian.
"So I can pretend that I'm entering you into my Criminal database." Space Baron screamed back. Then he took the cricket bat that he'd been using to "program" the computer and smashed Brian in the hip.
"Ow, that'll have to be replaced." Brian whined back.
Space Baron sat glaring at the computer screen for another two hours, pressing keys and moving the mouse around. "It's f*cked" he said finally, "I'm going to have to get some help."
"That's great Space Baron." said Brian, "Because we all know that the first step to overcoming a Robot fetish is to get help."
Space Baron didn't bother saying anything to Brian's stupidity, choosing to stab him in the thigh with a bread knife instead.
"I'm going to the faculty of Information Technology at QUT," he said as he sawed the bread knife in and out of Brian's thigh.
"Murbeggurghd" was all Brian could manage before passing out. Space Baron didn't notice though, he was clearly distracted. As evidenced by the fact he absent mindedly left the bread knife in Brians leg.
For those who are interested Space Baron took the 2:28 509 from the MacGregor Park 'n' Ride to the city, then walked to the Faculty of Information Technology at QUT.
"Hi, I have an appointment with Dr Defrag."
"Sure, he'll be ready in just a few minutes, in the meantime could you please sit over on the other side of the room and complete this survey." replied the secretary (who wasn't called betty, mores the pity).
"Which survey?" asked SB.
"It's an oral one."
Space Baron surveyed the room and saw a spare seat between some giggling private school girls and a police officer.
"Now I'm just going to ask you some very personal questions, nothing too general or relevant, OK?" shouted the secretary across the room.
"Sure." Space Baron shouted back.
"At what age did you lose your virginity?" the secretary shouted. The school girls giggled so SB had to shout louder above the din.
"14 years old." he said attracting the policeman's attention.
"And how old was the girl?" the secretary had to scream across the noise.
"What girl?" Space Baron shouted back, his face getting red with the effort of shouting and his embarassment.
"How many positions did you use?"
"9!" was the shouted response, much to the shock of a group of nuns SB hadn't noticed before.
"Thankyou, that's all, I think you understand how to use a database now." said the secretary smiling.
"I do, I do" said Space Baron knowingly.
The End
Does Space Baron really know how to use a database?
What did he mean by "What Girl?"?
Were there too many question marks in that last question?
Will question marks ever trade as strongly as deutsch marks?
All these questions or less may be answered in the next edition of SPACE
BARON