Space Baron and Brian were in the QUT refectory after having stopped a dastardly attempt by a student union secretary to spend money on someone other than Arts Students. As Space Baron well knew, this would have had broken all the laws of nature and possibly sucked the entire University into a singularity, then spat it back out with God knows what changes.
"And he's not telling," said Brian, the perennial straight man (aside from his sexual preference).
"What?" asked space Baron irritably as he looked for a seat among the teaming students.
"Don't worry," replied Brian and pointed to a pair of empty seats next to some particularly rowdy male students.
The pair sat down. Brian smiled at the tall, powerfully built student sitting nearest, always optimistic.
"G'day" said the student.
"Hi how are you?" replied Brian amicably. He was quite startled when the fairly docile looking student burst into a sudden spasm of speech.
"Oh, man I'm totally wrecked man, yeah I'm fucked. Yeah I've got the biggest hangover. Yeah I was just off my face last night hey mate. Yeah. Yeah I had thirty seven schooners, before we left home, then I was drinking rum and cokes until 9:30 and then I was talking to this chick who was drinking cocktails so I drank them too, they tasted like shit so I only had 10 or so, then it was only midnight so we went to City Rowers and kicked on, man I was so tanked."
Having said all this the blank expression returned to his face.
Brian turned away, however Space Baron was intrigued and said "Are you all in some sort of organisation?"
The student replied more sedately, "yeah, we're in the engineering society." Then he sprung to life as unexpectedly and as before, "We're organising the biggest pub crawl ever. It starts in the City at 5:00 on Friday afternoon and we won't be finished until the next wednesday in Rockhampton, mate it's gonna go off..." He proceeded to list every venue and every person who would attend every venue until even Space Baron's super-human polite-nodding powers were exhausted.
Suddenly, instantly and possibly mercifully Space Baron stabbed him in the brain with a hunting knife he kept handy. This didn't deter the engineering student who kept going on and on until finally he finished talking about his sub-woofers and pub-crawls and "the chick with the Bloody Marys" and Bundy rum and died blissfully unaware that he was all alone and wearing a quiksilver t-shirt and a billabong hat.
Will I ever stop writing these angry, angry Space Baron's?
If confronted by a gang of Engineering students would I admit that I wrote
this?
Does anyone disagree with my portrayal of Engineering Students?
Find out all this and more in the next edition of:
SPACE BARON